today

Alright, this is the first time I have ever really kept my thoiughts online, but I thought I would start doing it. Tonight I had my meeting about Same-sex benefits and I was highly discouraged. The community people that said they would be there were not, and I felt like i could not express myself in a manner that even seemed effective. With all of that I just hear Josh Taylor’s pessimistic overtones telling me it doesn’t matter and it is not going to do anything. I wish he would wish me luck, because i know he doesn’t mean it. It seems that Kerriane is falling apart, and no one in Rainbow is planningon catching her. I sure do hope she goes out quietly.
I haven’t talk to my roommate Sarah since Sunday and it was brief at best, I am not sure what is going on in this apartment but she seems to be holding back from me.
Maybe it is my activist mentality that makes her uncomfortable or maybe she knows how much her personality makes me unomfortable. I’ll never understand all the TV watching, and pointless stuff she does, but she seems very happy. SO maybe it isn’t uncomfortableness, but rather jealousy. ugh …
I am feeling really tired, between the rendell office, Rainbow, and school i think i am going to fall apart. I fucked up on last weeks art test and i know i wrote a HORRIBLE paper for my history class. I want to be a scholar so bad, but I know I can’t do. I just don’t have the ability. I hate everyone thinking I am so on top of everything, and the one thing i respect and love I am not able to do.
Speaking of love, I was thinking about the call I made to troy the other night. I shouldn’t have done that, it made me feel bad especially when i he told me he was at Tuscanny. I assume he is dating, I hope it falls apart so bad. I try to believe it wasn’t love but just my pride that was hurt, but it has been so long and sometimes I still think about it all. I want to runaway again, no more activism no more school, none of this.
But I always fail on that too…
I think Michele was pissed at me or something, there was something wrong with her tonight. Oh well, she drains we will all of those random pointless phonecalls. I knoe she considers me her best friend, but i need me time, and she doesn’t realize that.
I need to get some sleep

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