Oh this guy. I feel so ludicrous around him. I really do not know what to say, I mean I enjoy his company so much. I cannot look at him, which makes me sad. It is not stemming from embarrassing sex stuff either, I am just afraid that he will see the way I look at him. He is not like me, and I do not think he holds me in a similar regard in which I hold him. I really like this guy.
We talked about boys and past drama. David seems as though he finds it quite easy to fall in and out of love. He told me he was hurt, and I shared with him a smidgen of the Troy story. He lent the interesting prospective of how enlightening it was to be hurt like that, in the sense of a life experience that will teach you an extraordinary amount.
I had never thought about Troy dumping me in those terms, and I have to disagree. I do not think it taught me anything, other than: do not fall in love so fast. But that is my problem, I never fall in love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to. I want to fall in love so bad. Nevertheless, I guess I can fall in love, but I want them to be in love with me too. That seems to be the hitch. The touch of him in the morning, just having dinner, holding hands, putting my head on his shoulder, hugs …. Oh, I miss a lover’s hug. Not those stupid political hugs I give people to make them think I care, but that embrace that only two people who are truly in love know hot to engage in. Troy was a bad hugger.
I want to hug David. I want to hug him the right way, not that stupid hug I have perfected for the people. Next time I see him, I am going to give him a real hug.
I have also considered, publishing this journal in my profile so that people can read it. What repercussions could that bring about? That worries me, I think I will not grant it to everyone.