my first green fairy

i am half way through my first glass of absinthe. oh my god this is an amazing drink. I have had so little but i feel SO drunk, and yet I have an clarity of mind I have not had in an eternity. This is absolutely amazing, I cannot believe I still have basic motor skills.

i am kust on my sofa sipping this drink, and listening to music in the dark. This is definetly the drink of a recluse, I am thinking with more absolution that I have in forever.

I even saw the green fairy when i poured the absinthe over the sugar into the glass of water. She twirled like some spectaculiar Bolshio dancer. I cannot imagine drinking this all of the time. Your world would be magnificent. never again would anyone ever have to stew up the autrocities that are every where we look, life would just be great.

I feel so open right now, like i could sit and think for a million years. Oh though I would want to think like this, and not the way I think every day. That would be nothing but life time and more in teh depths of Hades. I wish I did not think the way I do. I always think in the respect of a near sighted man walking down an unlit hallway, turning to whatever door opens first. Will I ever make it to the end of the hall. I am sure I will not, and if I ever do I can guarrantee there will be a door.

I jus sneezed amd i can taste the bitterness of the alcohol on my lips. it makes me want to stay awake and have another sip. This is what the disciples of Christ, the fathers of the enlightment, and nuevo-scientists of the twentieth century were all hunting for: personal clarity of the mind. What if everthing you ever understood finally made sense? The universe, the people, your own inadequancies all undertood, because they are all entirely irreleveant. That is it …. nothing matters. Why should we produce art? To create escapes from this world? maybe, but are we help responsible for the veil that falls over the world? I think we are. Monet is just as responsible as Stalin, thoguh he is not responsible for Stalin’s crimes he allows some of us to believe there is a greater beauty out there.

There is not. We are damned from the begining, there is no chaging that. The world will never correct itself into the utopia we want, and all of these constructs that are designed are merely guises so that we never realize our complacency in this vile existance.

a most severe corruption has befallen me. that is one that says that this world can be changed. Why has i fought so hard for it? It is foolish, we will always kill one another, steal from one another, and rape this world. There will never be an end to any of this.

Iam going to submit this first part, I will right more as the wormwood’saffect take a more serious role in the evening. I promise I will have both ears in the morning.



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