Thre reality of losing a friend

For almost a decade my best friend was Michele. This fall we had a falling out, but in recent weeks we thought we could patch our friendship back up to its previous state. She has been on vacation with her date for a few days before the New Year. The last time I saw her was December 29th. Believe me I do not expect to be a priority in her life, but I do expect her to treat a friend with decency. Michele got back into town on January 4th and we saw each other for about 10 seconds on the 5th. I was taking the garbage out while she ran in the house to get some stuff for her date’s place. I had made dinner for us that night, but she didn’t take the time to even ask anything other than her typical statement about her plans for the night. She had a party to attend. I probably should have told her there was dinner, but she had messaged me on Monday to say she would be home on Tuesday. I thought it would be a nice surprise.

I didn’t see her until about 2 PM today, where she walked in made about 15 seconds of small talk while I was preparing lunch. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but her date was at the apartment I didn’t think it was fair to do something like that with company. I went into my room to fish my phone out of my gym bag and she then walked out without saying good bye. She just walked out. I am open enough to say she really hurt me. I told myself in 2010 that I was not going to let myself get jerked around any longer. I was going to be a better person because of it.

I have decided to follow through and post this conversation, because Michele told me I could. It happened on December 24, 2009 over AIM. She really tricked me and I thought she was going to be a good friend.

Michele: the days4:25 PM i miss hanging out me: well you made a choice not to hang out  that is all on you  i don’t feel bad about anything Michele: i did not meant to hurt you  im really sorry  ok?4:26 PM me: If you feel bad, then you should take a moment to think about what a shitty friend you have become  i get it, you say it all of the time  it doesn’t mean much any more  your actions speak louder than words Michele: and i apologize and i am reflectng upon that  i want to rebuild our friendship me: I told you how I felt in that letter and then you told me you would work on it Michele: ok? me: and then you chose not to  that was fucking shitty  so shitty4:27 PM I will never forget that Michele: i know and i will try with this new year to become a better friend  to you  i dont want to lose you me: fine reflect, don’t expect me to just be all smiley again Michele: i know  but lets just try to be friends4:28 PM i miss you  i think about you all the time  you are more important than [redacted] me: that doesn’t mean anything to me Michele: i will try to be a better friend  ok? me: you said that once4:29 PM Michele: no i really will  i mean it me: It is hard for me to believe it Michele: save this conversation  and if i dont post it on my wall me: i remember the last one in november  I could tell everyone about that one Michele: ok i am going to try  ok?4:30 PM this is all i can do  and if you dont give me a chance i cant try  that is all i can do me: that is fine, try, i am just telling you I don’t expect much  I gave you one in november Michele: you will be surprised  ok?  gtg and cook me: bye Michele: i love you as a good friend  i dont want to hurt you4:31 PM ok?4:32 PM me: ok

Believe I understand this is karma. Oh, I certainly do understand it. This is penance for my past and I will take it.

Update: However this is not the first time this has happened. We spoke in November where Michele and I agreed we would work on a better friendship. She stopped coming home for three weeks. Then as you can see in December we agreed again to work on it. Now we are in January.


One thought on “Thre reality of losing a friend

  1. Hmm… I think a decade of friendship requires maintenance from both sides. If you don’t give her another chance, you’re the one that’s deciding to end the friendship.

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