old faithful

I am so sexually frustrated. I watched the L-Word tonight and was so fucking turned on it was revolting. Mario is having real problems with developing an intimate physical relationship. He likes to cuddle and do lots of date type things, which everyone knows that I like but he keeps telling me he is not ready. I mean it is starting to REALLY frustrate me physically. I hate to say I need sex, but I have had a few offers to just hook up in the past week and I have turned them down out of some loyalty to Mario (which I have no idea if he is reciprocating). I really like him, I mean I like to do it a lot, but god damnit I need to have sex.

Posted on 1.18.2004 at 10:50 PM


Code Name Luigi

I am not sure when the last time I wrote but I know it has been a considerable amount of time, so I am not sure what to start with. I think at least for this evening I will talk about Mario.

Mario is this great guy that has entered my life under the most peculiar circumstances. He is schoolteacher in one of the suburbs and I am definitely smitten by him. He is nice, funny, smart and so cute. I really like spending time with him. He is the type of guy one wants to spend the rest of his life with, but let me get back to that stuff later.

I met Mario through Michelle as should be expected, but the odd thing is Nina had mentioned him to me a long time ago. Saying things like “oh there is this guy Mario that I think you would be perfect with” the glitch was that Mario was in a very serious relationship at the time with I guy I have never met by the name of Jason. Well a few months ago Jason broke his heart, and Mario the eternal solver held on to the relationship for another two months trying to fix it and see if he could salvage the man he thought he would spend the rest of his life with. I entered the scene about six weeks into this process, where he went to a bar with Michelle and I on Constantine’s birthday. We did not talk much, because he was very self-consumed with Jason still. During the Thanksgiving holiday Michelle and Kristy made dinner for me at my place and invited Mario over. We ended up falling asleep together on my futon after the ladies had left.

That weekend we went out to dinner and I popped the question of “Did I just go on a date with a guy who has a boyfriend?” His response was “ I am not really sure, what is going on, but I just want the hurting to stop.”

Now immediately I know you are thinking this boy is danger staying as far away as possible, and I agree with you hold heartedly. I have been around the block enough to realize Mario is damaged good who will not be healed for a very long time, but this does not seem to dissuade him or I. I have even verbalized many times to him, this fact and he is in complete agreement, which makes things even the harder to understand.

Mario broke up with Jason completely in the next week.

So now it is right before the holiday break and I would be out of town for two weeks. We had started spending the night at each other place and having regular dates. I REALLY like oh my goodness I do and I just cannot figure out what to do about it because, I am at this point where I am ready for a boyfriend and to settle down slightly instead of just fucking every thing that is naked on my bed.

When I got back from Pittsburgh, I saw him a day or two later and we spent a lot of time together this past week,. Not to mention the regular phone calls we had over the holiday. This guy is perfect I tell you just perfect, we have similar interests but things that are not too similar. He is an artist I am a classical music lover, I am a political hack and he is a good liberal. We both learn from one another all the time.

The best part is he is making me smile; smile like I have not done since California. I just love to be around him. I love to snuggle next to him in bed, and I love to chat with him over drinks. I love it when he teaches me about comics and their stories.

I like him so much the other night in bed, I told him a lot about my fears of sex. I knew during the solving process him and Jason were having great sex (Michelle had to me this), and I told him that when we have sex I am really scared to let him down. He was so sweet and nice about it. On the subject though, we have not had sex. Hand jobs and a little sucking on my part but no sex. He is not ready and I can sense it in him when we are fooling around. I am really ok with it I think; it does not seem the most important thing in this relationship. I love just spending time with, but this is not to say I am not sexually attracted to him. I would love for him to fuck my brains out, but it is not an immediate concern.

This is the boy Mario. I hope it lasts, but knowing me I am sure I will louse it up somehow. I think I will really be devastated if this does not work out, but I am trying to not live to far in the future. The present needs to be conquered first.