Thre reality of losing a friend

For almost a decade my best friend was Michele. This fall we had a falling out, but in recent weeks we thought we could patch our friendship back up to its previous state. She has been on vacation with her date for a few days before the New Year. The last time I saw her was December 29th. Believe me I do not expect to be a priority in her life, but I do expect her to treat a friend with decency. Michele got back into town on January 4th and we saw each other for about 10 seconds on the 5th. I was taking the garbage out while she ran in the house to get some stuff for her date’s place. I had made dinner for us that night, but she didn’t take the time to even ask anything other than her typical statement about her plans for the night. She had a party to attend. I probably should have told her there was dinner, but she had messaged me on Monday to say she would be home on Tuesday. I thought it would be a nice surprise.

I didn’t see her until about 2 PM today, where she walked in made about 15 seconds of small talk while I was preparing lunch. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but her date was at the apartment I didn’t think it was fair to do something like that with company. I went into my room to fish my phone out of my gym bag and she then walked out without saying good bye. She just walked out. I am open enough to say she really hurt me. I told myself in 2010 that I was not going to let myself get jerked around any longer. I was going to be a better person because of it.

I have decided to follow through and post this conversation, because Michele told me I could. It happened on December 24, 2009 over AIM. She really tricked me and I thought she was going to be a good friend.

Michele: the days4:25 PM i miss hanging out me: well you made a choice not to hang out  that is all on you  i don’t feel bad about anything Michele: i did not meant to hurt you  im really sorry  ok?4:26 PM me: If you feel bad, then you should take a moment to think about what a shitty friend you have become  i get it, you say it all of the time  it doesn’t mean much any more  your actions speak louder than words Michele: and i apologize and i am reflectng upon that  i want to rebuild our friendship me: I told you how I felt in that letter and then you told me you would work on it Michele: ok? me: and then you chose not to  that was fucking shitty  so shitty4:27 PM I will never forget that Michele: i know and i will try with this new year to become a better friend  to you  i dont want to lose you me: fine reflect, don’t expect me to just be all smiley again Michele: i know  but lets just try to be friends4:28 PM i miss you  i think about you all the time  you are more important than [redacted] me: that doesn’t mean anything to me Michele: i will try to be a better friend  ok? me: you said that once4:29 PM Michele: no i really will  i mean it me: It is hard for me to believe it Michele: save this conversation  and if i dont post it on my wall me: i remember the last one in november  I could tell everyone about that one Michele: ok i am going to try  ok?4:30 PM this is all i can do  and if you dont give me a chance i cant try  that is all i can do me: that is fine, try, i am just telling you I don’t expect much  I gave you one in november Michele: you will be surprised  ok?  gtg and cook me: bye Michele: i love you as a good friend  i dont want to hurt you4:31 PM ok?4:32 PM me: ok

Believe I understand this is karma. Oh, I certainly do understand it. This is penance for my past and I will take it.

Update: However this is not the first time this has happened. We spoke in November where Michele and I agreed we would work on a better friendship. She stopped coming home for three weeks. Then as you can see in December we agreed again to work on it. Now we are in January.



I am supposed to go see Avatar today, but my date is now sick. Let’s call my date Saul Fooley II. Saul promised to go with me way back in November, and then we were going to go opening night. Then he decided to jet set to London at the last minute with his roommate, which inevitably made him sick. Saul has chosen not to take care of himself, thus he is still sick. Both Monday the 28th was proposed and Tuesday was decided. Saul has now pushed the date off until Wednesday the 30th.

I have yet to see Avatar, because of Saul Fooley. I have included correspondence from Saul to me relating to Avatar below.

Disclaimer: Saul is heterosexual, though not immediately identifiable.

November 4:

when avatar comes out on december 18th, we should go see it, but not tell anyone. the problem is, it could be the worst move ever. however, i think there might be a good anti-colonialism/anti-imperalism aspect to it. still it looks like an abomination and takes the arts down a notch.
p.s. don’t share my interest in going to see this movie with anyone! even my roommate!

December 21:

when do you come back so we can see avatar.

December 24:

we should watch avatar on tuesday.

December 25:

I was thinking on Tuesday we could catch Avatar at matinee.

December 28:

We should see Avatar on Wednesday (3:05).

Carl Williams ¡Presente!

Last week one of my best friends over the past two years died. His name was Carl Williams and we met in Ecuador. I met Carl in August of 2007 and him and I became very good friends. He was smart, super funny, and knew more about music than anyone I had met. One of the first trips I had in Ecuador was with him and I made him and his wife stay in this terrible hostel in Sua. There were bugs, it was hot, and the neighbors played Spanish Christian Rock super loud. It was pretty insane indeed.

Carl and I traveled a lot together (along with Lydia and Michele) and he was my best friend for two years. He taught me great things like when it comes to making margaritas it is not about the quality of the tequila, but about the quality of the cointreau. When I heard he died in Ecuador away from his family I was saddened beyond imagination. In light of all of this, one beautiful note is the fact that, his first granddaughter was born this Saturday.

The word we give to all fallen comrades I speak to you now sir. Carl Williams  ¡Presente!