I have failed quizzes all week long and I am going to fail a test in a few hours. I study all day and never party or do anything “destructive.” I go to class, go to extra session, study after class, eat dinner and study until bed time and yet i am still failing.

Fuck this … proof that I am not an academic and that everyone cannot succeed at anything if they just put their minds to it. That bullshit mentality is fucked up, and I got wrapped into it. I am stressed out, smoking like a chimney, and exhausted. I think it is too late to get any sort of refund so i am stuck, failing the next 8 weeks.

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I just finished my first week of class here in Berkeley. This is clearly the hardest thing I have ever done. I makeup at 7:30 every morning have breakfast and walk to a 9:00 class. I take a quiz and do drills (which I feel I am never prepared enough for) until lunchtime. I try to take my lunch alone in an effort to meditate a touch and just relax, but today I went to a pizza shop with friends.

Today the entire morning was consumed with an examination. I busted my ass for this exam and still feel as though I only pulled a C. I?ll find out tomorrow. I am hanging out with too many people in the higher echelon of the class and it makes me feel as though I am really far behind. On the other hand it keeps me motivated. I think I will really be able to ready Greek in 5 weeks.

I study after class until dinner. Then around 7:30 I begin doing homework until 12:30 or 1:00. It is a really crazy pace, that I am not used to at all. I have to get back to work now.
Posted on 6.16.2003 at 10:34 AM